2004-09-17 | 12:54 p.m.
PABU EXPLAINED.

So, I've got this boss. And he's all old-school-sales-y, all only-closers-get-coffee-y.

Now, first, some good things: He's real smart. He knows his industry and he knows how to get things done. He's got some serious buy-in-at-the-top, which is one of those things that's real paramount in the corporate thingamagig.

And, he's shaking things up at a place that has been stagnant for awhile, which is always fun to watch. So, I'm pro-him.

That said, he does have some annoying mannerisms, spelled out below:

Okay, first the PABU thing. Basically, our group in the big glass microphone palace is called the "Personal Audio Business Unit." At first, he hated the name, because it couldn't easily be shortened, and Pabu sounded stupid.

Then, he realized that he could turn Pabu into a racial stereotype that indicates power and can be pulled out in meetings with underlings who won't call him out on those things.

So, he has dubbed himself Pabu. And he wears an imaginary turban and says things like, "Pabu is pleased," complete with prayer-hands and a faux bow. He says this in an "Abu from simpsons" poor Indian accent.

And now everyone has picked it up, so, I get a lot of, "Will PaBu be attending this meeting?" "Must we gain Pabu's approval?"

Gah. Pabu.

The other thing Pabu does is the stare.

The stare is what he does when you ask him a question. Like, "How do you feel about the color palette for this brand identity, Pabu?" Pabu gives the stare -- a wry smirk and steady eye contact (um, with one of his eyes because he's slightly cockeyed -- but only cockeyed enough that you're just not sure which eye is looking directly at you. . . ). He doesn't answer.

I think he thinks this is kind of like a teaching technique from stand by me or something. I dunno. As the outspoken, impatient one, I tend to counter that with, "What does this stare mean?"

Then he says, "Let me tell you the story of the brain, the heart, and the asshole. . . " Or some other cockneyed old story and he goes all old-man-verbose and makes you listen to the whole damn thing, complete with dramatic pauses. A'la, "And the man says, 'you can't outrun the bear!' and he says, 'I don't have to outrun the bear. . . . '"

insert stare here

"'I just have to outrun you.'"

Oh, great Pabu. I am enriched by your lessons.

The reject is pleased.

. . . stay tuned for more adventures from the glass microphone palace!!!. . .

« » « »